Life can be notably harder for some than others, especially for those who might have experienced adverse or even dangerous childhoods. The damage done by negligent parents can last a lifetime. Emotional baggage can remain buried for years, only to resurface in the form of disproportionately controlling and/or angry behaviour later in life. Often the innocent victims are those closest to us; innocent wives, husbands, children and colleagues can all find themselves on the receiving end of unexpectedly shocking behaviour from people who themselves may have no understanding of ‘why’ they are behaving in such a defensive and damaging manner.

Manipulation; Gaslighting; Coercive Behaviour: are these words striking a chord? These are behaviours that I perpetrated upon one innocent woman after another as I fought to keep myself in my ‘perception’ of emotional safety having been abused from birth by a dangerously aggressive nanny. At the hands of that nanny, I learned to fear and hate women in equal measure. Of course I did not understand this to be the truth behind why I was able to betray and sleep around and keep secrets from any woman who ever tried to love me for the first 50 years of my life. Ignorance was a sad & lonely bliss! If we don’t know why we are doing something, we will continue to do it with impunity.

I finally got honest with myself on the edge of that cliff. With calm intent and a deep sense of relief, I was ready to jump into darkness that night, the same darkness that had kept me safe from marauding bullies at boarding school decades earlier. I had gone there to sleigh the uncaring monster that I believed had lived inside me for almost half a century. It turned out to be the biggest lie of my life, ironically one I had been telling myself! There never was a monster inside me. Instead, there was a terrified little boy who I had been ignoring for decades and imprisoning within myself behind walls of defiantly addictive and secretive behaviour.

While many are never lucky enough to find help to face themselves and all they may have done to hurt themselves and others, I am one of the lucky ones who found a way off that cliff, literally in the arms of someone who finally cared enough to sit and truly hear me. With all coaching and therapy, that is where it starts. It has to begin with you recognising that you cannot continue without help and finding the bravery to reach out. It means taking a risk with your heart and to trust that this time, it will not be crushed and humiliated by a haunted parent or a sick school master or by anyone who themself likely needs even more help than you. The bullies are long gone and the only person now standing in the way of your hurting adult self is you.

Many amazing people have helped me overcome my demons and rediscover the light within myself. I have been taught how to lower my defences and to release the emotional pressure valve that accounted for years of unwittingly angry behaviour and an acute fear of intimacy. With the knowledge I have accumulated since I first entered a treatment centre almost 20 years ago, I am now safe within myself and able to help you start along your healing journey. I will do whatever it takes to give you the best chance of separating the ‘why’ from the ‘what’ and learning that you no longer need to live on the edge of a cliff. It’s time to learn to make better life choices.

Welcome to Clifftalk, enjoy my descriptive videos and I can’t wait to hear from you.